Things I've Learned While Recovering at Home

Hidey-ho neighbors! It's me again... sitting here in suburbia recovering from having an organ removed from my body. It's day five of recovery and I'm feeling much better, although the sitting up thing still bothers me. While other people are enjoying their break from law school, I'm stuck here on the sofa with two cranky birds, a neurotic little dog, and a bottle of pain pills. Interesting mix.

On the grades front, two of mine have come back: "A" in Scholarly Writing and "A" in Immigration Law. Two more to go: Property II and Administrative Law. It will probably be a few weeks before those come in. I'll tread cautiously on optimism until they come in.

Having an organ removed hurts. It hurts to sit. It hurts to walk. It hurts to bend over. It hurts to laugh. And when the doctor puts you on restrictions, it's not for his benefit but for yours. When I first saw the restrictions, I thought, oh no, I'm sure the doctor's being overly cautious. Then I realized for myself that he's not.

I've found that people who call me when I'm on pain medication cannot truly appreciate how much pain I am in, since I sound downright cheerful while on medication. I've also found that too much pain medication makes a Law Ingenue loopy and downright weird.

I've found that if you're going to own intelligent pets, don't ever get sick. They don't understand that you're not home to let them outside every ten minutes. They don't understand why they can't jump on top of you. They don't understand why you don't want to play with them and will either call out to you non-stop, or alternately, they will find "creative" (aka distructive or painful) ways to get your attention. I hope my husband has woodworking skills!

Intelligent pets are also louder and faster than a doorbell if someone approaches the house. However this also includes any time a person walks past on the sidewalk or drives down the street past our house. If I don't jump up right away from the clammor of squawking and barking, our african gray bird will yell, "Sh*t! You so bad!" Nice! And no, we didn't teach her that, her former owner did.

The television shows during the day are mind-numbing, although I may have learned through osmosis and medicated stupor how to cook a seven-course meal and redecorate my entire living room using new spring colors, thanks to HGTV and Lifetime.

I've found that lying down all day for several days in a row is not conducive to active intestinal movement. The doctor suggested I take Milk of Magnesia. However, I've found that they should rename Milk of Magnesia to Rapid Release. Enough said.

Law school textbooks are boring to begin with. Reading law school textbooks is even harder while sleepy from pain medication.

Reading textbooks is also hard if you can't sit upright for very long. Textbooks are heavy and are difficult to read if you can't lay on your side and need to prop up the book on your stomach which has four painful incisions on it. Putting a pillow on your stomach to prop up the heavy textbook works for about five to six minutes. Needless to say, I haven't finished my reading for next week.

One would think that lying around all day is heaven. Maybe for one day in the sunshine while on vacation. But this week has been no vacation. I'm ready to go back to school and work.