Civil Procedure... Or Is It?

I have to say, I loved my civil procedure professor. I had him for two terms and thought he was hilarious - he knew how to spin a case in such a way that always made me laugh.

Why would I love a professor who for two terms dolled out the most boring type of legal information imaginable? Because he always had strategy on his mind.

His rules for all lawyers:

1. Get the money up front.


2. Clients lie.


3. Therefore, get the money of front.

A true strategist, my favorite quote came from him when, in terms of damages, my professor said, "A badly mutilated body is worth more than a corpse." Paints a pretty picture, doesn't it? He used that tidbit during his lecture on Illinois Central Gulf Railroad v. Parks, 181 Ind.App. 148, 390 N.E.2d 1073 (1979). Bertha and Jessie were suing the railroad for Bertha's injuries and Jessie, in particular, was suing for Loss of Consortium.

My professor's theory is that it isn't who has the better case law that wins, it's who has the better strategy that wins. Show the jury a missing ear, they might feel bad. Show the jury a missing limb (like a right arm, which apparently is worth more than the left), and the jury will feel pity. Wheel the victim in on a wheelchair maimed and missing several limbs and - jackpot - you've hit the motherlode of sympathy.

Some might call him a shark. I myself have no plans to be a tort lawyer, nor do I plan to be a shark (nor do I subscribe to his theatrical, jury-sympathy methods).

But he had a point to his strategy - you have to think of the client first and do your best to get as much money for the client as you can. Granted, he would say, if you get to drive away in a Lamborghini or a Ferrari Testarossa while you're at it, then that's okay too!